Soooo I Swear I'm Alive

I know I haven't updated in forever, but I've been so unbelievably busy! I was taking notes and everything on the way here just so that I could have a post about my first plane ride, but now so much has happened, I don't know what to write about first! I guess I'll just give the cliff notes version?

So the first plane ride was nothing. It was just like a courtesy baby step. The plane was super tiny (only three seats across total), and the plane ride was only an hour long. It was over so fast! Chicago, however, was scary for a bit. I didn't know if I should go through security again, and I didn't have a gate number listed on my ticket! Luckily there were some incredibly nice people to help me. But that airport was ENORMOUS! There was literally a dinosaur skeleton (probably fake but definitely close to life size) IN THE AIRPORT! So yeah that was a little intimidating. The flight from Chicago to San Francisco was 4 hours but really wasn't bad. I slept a little and my seat mates were super cool. We exchanged stories and stuff, so it was really cool to meet two complete strangers that I will never see again. San Francisco was all around painful though. I couldn't manage to stay awake the whole 11 hours I was in the airport for the layover, so I was uncomfortably laying across the chairs for a few hours, freezing to death. When everyone finally started waking up, it was a little easier to not be miserably uncomfortable. My body was killing me, but I talked to a couple people after I found my gate. They were pretty cool. But then I met a couple people who were going to my school too! More on that later. The plane ride was so incredibly long. It really felt like it would never end. But I slept for hours, and I think that's why I really haven't been suffering from very much jetlag. We were picked up from the airport by a bus so I didn't have to wander around to find the school. The bus was so funky (in a good way!), and I got to talk to my fellow foreigners for the hour or so bus ride to Soon Chun Hyang University.

I cannot express how happy I am to be meeting these people at this school. It's like the coolest people in the world all decided to apply to this school or something. I've already made so many friends who are just chill as hell and soooo incredibly sweet and funny and understanding. I feel so at home here. I've had a couple instances of misunderstandings, but not with Koreans oddly. I just have to keep reminding myself to not be so sensitive and to not jump to conclusions. But yeah so far I've played soccer, drank, and traveled with some amazing people. And I've even gotten the chance to use my Korean when others in my group needed help finding something or ordering food. I have a feeling this is going to be an amazing year, and I am not going to want to leave, but we shall see.

One crazy thing so far has been that it's totally cool to park on the sidewalk. Cars have the right of way here, so I have to pay attention even on the sidewalk! But yeah besides people blatantly staring and the occasional random "hi!" it's really not that different here in the small college town of ShinJang. I'm sure when I venture out the differences will be more obvious. Also people here seem to love my hair. Not just Koreans! Even other Americans like it. For once I don't feel like I look like a hot mess all the time. It's a really nice feeling actually.

I'll be more frequent and detailed later.

Cheers, Sam~ (I'm the redhead btw)

One Day To Go

I leave tomorrow. I know it's a big change and definitely a stressful situation (since I'm traveling alone), but I honestly didn't think that I would be this nervous. I've been tossing and turning in my sleep the past few days, and I woke up this morning feeling pretty sick to my stomach. I keep panicking when I think I might forget something important, like my passport or my transcript which hasn't come in the mail yet.

I think what is the most surprising to me though is that it's not like I don't want to go abroad. This is my dream! I want to travel, see the world, gain some perspective, meet new people. I don't understand why I'm this nervous. I'm hoping that it's just the fact that it is my first time. I mean my first plane ride is going to be across the country and then to the other side of he world with 2 layovers. Little things are starting to seem big. For example, I'm terrified that my plane ticket was too cheap. Like I'm going to go to check in, and it will turn out that the plane is full and my seat doesn't exist. Or I'm scared that security is going to be impossible to navigate. What if my luggage is overweight? I don't know what else I can take out of it.... And what if I get completely turned around and miss my flight? And pick pockets! What if I get robbed?! I guess I should try to remember some of my jiu-jitsu....I am definitely joining that club again when I get back to the US!

Silly fears like this sound like my grandma in my head. Growing up that used to drive me insane!

     Why would you drink that Japanese tea? For all you know it could be drugs.

     Don't get married in Korea! You wont be allowed to come back!
   
     If they aren't speaking English, how do you know what they're planning? They could be planning to rob the store and you wouldn't know.

I always found stuff like that so incredibly annoying. And I have all of these big dreams of all of the places I want to go and see! I'm just going to chalk it up to being first timer nervousness....

I'm also a tad scared for my psyche. I'm not as strong or confident as I would like to be. This last semester and summer have been tremendous in terms of figuring out who I am as a person and who I want to be. I prefer the saying, "Life is about endlessly creating yourself" rather than finding yourself. I don't think we have to just accept that we are just how we are, and we can never change. I think that's a copout. It's hard. It's a massive amount of self-reflection and control and yeah, obsession, but I think it pays off.

When I was a freshman, I was excited to just "be myself," but I couldn't figure out why I felt so....unhappy all the time. I whined all the time about not being girly enough. I felt invisible. I felt annoying. I felt immature. But I was just being myself! People should have just accepted me, and I should have just been confident in being a whiny, self-obsessed, controlling, terrible friend. Yeah no. It took all of sophomore year and this past summer, as well as an amazing group of people, to get me where I am now, and I still believe there's more to improve on. When I met this group of people, I was basically alone. The friends I had made freshman year were going through the same changes I was, so I spent a lot of time with myself. And I was not a fan of what I was seeing.

Everyone in this group was legitimately interested in getting to know me. When I met one of them, I shall dub him.....Nice Jock, I legitimately thought he was making fun of me. He asked me so many questions, and I wasn't used to having a conversation with someone where I didn't have to interject just to bring it back to me from time to time. But yes everyone in the group hasn't gotten to know me and no one has stopped inviting to group meetings. One girl, now dubbed.....Happy Clam, actually drove 45 minutes just to come see me before I leave! (And she brought me a beautiful purse from Peru which I now cherish.) I've learned to ask more questions, and be more interested in other peoples' lives because it is such a great feeling when you walk away from a conversation knowing that they were really listening and interested in you as a person! I feel more accepting of the fact that I am a total nerd, but it's not a bad thing. And I have a quirky, sometimes awkward look, but it's my look, and no one else has it. I feel so much more confident in myself after meeting them, and when you're confident in yourself it becomes so much easier to form real relationships and bonds with people.

My hope is that Korea doesn't take this new found confidence away from me. I want to expand my horizons and learn from this new experience, but I don't want to break under the pressure to be "Korea pretty." Because I will never be "Korea pretty." I will never be stick thin and delicate and cutesy. I will never willingly walk behind a guy because "that's how it is." I don't want to start doubting myself again in that way. So if I start doing that in these posts, please yell at me.

Wow I've rambled.... I think I'll leave it be now. Next post will be about the flight adventure!

Cheers, Sam~

My Abundantly Witty Pre-Departure Post

I'm actually not witty at all, but I feel like it when I use the word. Anyway, this post is mainly just to take up space. There's something unsettling about a completely empty blog....

So today is the 21st and my departure date is the 24th. Three days!!! I think what's most exciting is that I've never left the country before. I've never even been on a plane or in an airport, and in three days I'll take a 32 hour trip across the world to the country where I'll be living for the next school year. It's craziness, I swear.

SO. What happens the week before you leave on a life changing adventure? For me, it's mostly been packing troubles. I don't think I ever realized how much useless or strange crap I accumulate over the course of a school year. I would say the most taxing task this month has been attempting to pack my life away in tubs. I'm only taking one 50-lb suitcase and a bookbag with me to Korea, so everything else needs to be SAFELY stored away. Even with only three days left, I'm still packing. I just have a ridiculous amount of stuff! But I've sorted through it all multiple times, and I can't bring myself to throw anything else away. Why is life hard?

It hasn't all been work though~ I've basically been soaking in "America." I caught up with family I hadn't seen in years, and met up with good friends. My 21st was on the 16th actually, and it turned out really well! I do that passive thing where I usually don't speak up for what I want, so it's always helpful to have a friend who doesn't take my "no" for face value. My friend..... M, convinced me to stay the night with her to celebrate. So a couple drinks and episodes of New Girl later, I fell asleep on a super comfy couch feeling happy and loved~

The drinking age in South Korea is actually 20, so really there were only 8 days of my turning 21 actually mattering, so I've been drinking a little here and there (I'm actually drinking a wine cooler right now. That's my excuse if this is terrible). More importantly, I've been eating my favorite foods that aren't going to be the same in Korea: namely pizza and mac and cheese. And toaster strudels! It's been two years since I've had toaster strudels, and I could kick myself for it! They're heavenly.

I feel that I have rambled enough... I'm terrible at blogging because I'm too lazy to be detailed. But I think I'll be better about it when I'm actually in Korea. We shall see.

Sam out~