Coming Back

The weirdest part about spending time abroad is coming back to your old life and not being sure which version of yourself was the real one.

There's the little things like, in Ohio I drank coffee with too much milk and sugar, so much so that it was more like coffee flavored sweet milk. But in Mexico, every morning I was drinking straight coffee with just a little bit of creamer, enjoying the start coffee flavor. Now I'm back in Ohio, and I don't know which cup of coffee I want because so far nothing tastes quite right.

Then there's the bigger things like productivity levels. In Ohio, I spend nearly 100% of my time in my head, dreaming of being somewhere else, of being someone else, and then for a solid 11 months I was loving who I actually was. I talked to friends and made memories instead of just dreaming up fantastic moments. I was truly living. Now I'm back in Ohio, and I have no one to talk to, no where to go, and no drive to be active and present.

I wanted to bring that person from Korea and Mexico back with me to Ohio, but it's hard to when the bars are full of creepy old people, my only friends are my mom and cousin, and I'm stranded in a place with nothing of interest within walking distance. I don't know which version I am right now and it sucks. I want to be that girl in Mexico who did crazy things and enjoyed them., danced in bars and didn't care whether or not she was wearing makeup. I want to be that girl in Korea who was interesting and attracted people to her, was there for those who needed her, and was generally curious about other peoples' views on life.

The weirdest part is that I don't feel like I belong in the place where I was born and raised.

Spanish Database

It turns out I am freakishly good at Spanish. I don't mean this in a braggy sort of way. I'm actually very confused and amazed myself at how well I'm picking this language up.... My first day of high school, I distinctly remember sitting in my councilor's office being asked which foreign language I would like to choose: Spanish, French, or Latin? Without hesitation I chose Latin because everyone chose Spanish or French. I didn't want to be like everyone else. I mean I'm glad I did because it changed my life. Because of Latin I went into languages and linguistics. But still maybe some Spanish classes would have been good.

Over the years though, through four years of Latin, one year of French, one quarter of Portuguese, and just general life, I have accumulated an oddly large amount of vocabulary, phonology, and grammar. While I was in LA with Totoi (June 25-27 or 28?) I would think of a word and ask if I was right.

"Playa is beach right? Pelota is ball?" And I even just knew phrases.

Totoi would be surprised and be like "how do you know that?!" I have no idea. So we labeled it the Spanish Database: my vast but random knowledge of this language just stored somewhere in the back of my mind. I'm not complaining though. The sooner I become conversational the better.

I'm on my fifth day here in Ensenada, Mexico and I can't tell you how many times people have been surprised and said my pronunciation is very very good. I've literally been mistaken for Mexican with just my small number of phrases. I sound so natural for some really crazy reason.... And I'm absorbing words and grammar absurdly fast! In Korea, there was no chance of me being mistaken for a native, but here if I learn Spanish I could blend in so well!!! I love it! Also I love Latino boys.... There are so many attractive guys and the language adds 20 points!

Anyway. I'm going to add some posts out of order, but I'll include a date and timeline of when they actually occurred.