Still Freaking Out a Little

Four days until I move into my apartment for the 2014-2015 school year at OSU. I'm weirdly excited! Now that I've felt that feeling of being abroad and traveling, I feel like my mind is very focused. More so than it was before at least. I don't need to daydream as much. I'm finding pleasure in reading Food&Wine magazine and reading a novel by Rachel Friedman called "The Good Girl's Guide to Getting Lost." I don't need to watch tv as much. And more importantly, I'm very excited to start working towards something again.

I think while I was in Korea so long, it was easy to forget how lucky I was. I was abroad for so long that it was hard to work towards anything. But now that I'm back, I've got so much to do that it's starting to freak me out a little. I have two years to complete a thesis, to save enough money for a wedding in England and a plane ticket to Korea, to get a TESOL certification or at least apply for jobs in Korea, to finish two majors and learn enough Korean to be happy and conversational when I'm back in Korea, and then I need to keep up a social life and fuel my new found social butterfly spirit.

I loved how confident I have gotten, but I can feel it slipping away. I need to hold on for dear life because I refuse to be that mousy version of myself again.

Anyway, I'll add more stories from Korea and Mexico later. Little flashbacks~

Coming Back

The weirdest part about spending time abroad is coming back to your old life and not being sure which version of yourself was the real one.

There's the little things like, in Ohio I drank coffee with too much milk and sugar, so much so that it was more like coffee flavored sweet milk. But in Mexico, every morning I was drinking straight coffee with just a little bit of creamer, enjoying the start coffee flavor. Now I'm back in Ohio, and I don't know which cup of coffee I want because so far nothing tastes quite right.

Then there's the bigger things like productivity levels. In Ohio, I spend nearly 100% of my time in my head, dreaming of being somewhere else, of being someone else, and then for a solid 11 months I was loving who I actually was. I talked to friends and made memories instead of just dreaming up fantastic moments. I was truly living. Now I'm back in Ohio, and I have no one to talk to, no where to go, and no drive to be active and present.

I wanted to bring that person from Korea and Mexico back with me to Ohio, but it's hard to when the bars are full of creepy old people, my only friends are my mom and cousin, and I'm stranded in a place with nothing of interest within walking distance. I don't know which version I am right now and it sucks. I want to be that girl in Mexico who did crazy things and enjoyed them., danced in bars and didn't care whether or not she was wearing makeup. I want to be that girl in Korea who was interesting and attracted people to her, was there for those who needed her, and was generally curious about other peoples' views on life.

The weirdest part is that I don't feel like I belong in the place where I was born and raised.

Spanish Database

It turns out I am freakishly good at Spanish. I don't mean this in a braggy sort of way. I'm actually very confused and amazed myself at how well I'm picking this language up.... My first day of high school, I distinctly remember sitting in my councilor's office being asked which foreign language I would like to choose: Spanish, French, or Latin? Without hesitation I chose Latin because everyone chose Spanish or French. I didn't want to be like everyone else. I mean I'm glad I did because it changed my life. Because of Latin I went into languages and linguistics. But still maybe some Spanish classes would have been good.

Over the years though, through four years of Latin, one year of French, one quarter of Portuguese, and just general life, I have accumulated an oddly large amount of vocabulary, phonology, and grammar. While I was in LA with Totoi (June 25-27 or 28?) I would think of a word and ask if I was right.

"Playa is beach right? Pelota is ball?" And I even just knew phrases.

Totoi would be surprised and be like "how do you know that?!" I have no idea. So we labeled it the Spanish Database: my vast but random knowledge of this language just stored somewhere in the back of my mind. I'm not complaining though. The sooner I become conversational the better.

I'm on my fifth day here in Ensenada, Mexico and I can't tell you how many times people have been surprised and said my pronunciation is very very good. I've literally been mistaken for Mexican with just my small number of phrases. I sound so natural for some really crazy reason.... And I'm absorbing words and grammar absurdly fast! In Korea, there was no chance of me being mistaken for a native, but here if I learn Spanish I could blend in so well!!! I love it! Also I love Latino boys.... There are so many attractive guys and the language adds 20 points!

Anyway. I'm going to add some posts out of order, but I'll include a date and timeline of when they actually occurred.

Travel Writing and Inspiration

My time here in Korea is slowly counting down. I leave in 5 days! I realize I have not blogged much, but sometimes it just takes me a while to wrap my mind around my experiences and then concentrate long enough to type them out. However, I think I'm going to keep this blog open for all of my language and travel plans and experiences still yet to come. I'll be in Mexico in 8 or 9 days, and then maybe for New Years I'll be in San Diego. And there are so many more places to go.

I need to come back to Korea. I'm making a break through with Korean! I got some inspiration from a night spend with friends in Hongdae. My lovely friends Totoi and Dazha took me and my friend from Germany, Sabrina, as well as a Korean named TJ and a Chinese guy named Bill to meet their friend Taeyang. They had met here over winter break in Hongdae because she had heard them speaking Spanish and wanted to test out her own skills. I actually met her that night too, but it was after many tequila shots and a lot of soju/beer.... Anyway, this time she brought her boyfriend, Oscar, with her to meet all of us. Oscar is from Spain, and the two of them looked absolutely gorgeous together! We smoked hookah, drank a lot of tequila, and danced all night until it was time for us to get breakfast (at Taco Bell) and catch a train back to Shinchang.

What was amazing about this experience was that I was the only native English speaker there, and yet everyone was speaking English. This was because there were so many languages represented in our group but still! Much like last Christmas when I realized all of my friends were bilingual except me, I felt a push. I want to be bilingual. I want to have conversations in Korean.

I actually can right now. After that experience and seeing Eunhyuk from Super Junior at the Dream Concert, I have pretty much only watched things in Korean. In just two weeks my confidence in my speaking abilities has skyrocketed. I speak to the ladies in restaurants so easily now, and last night I spoke a lot of Korean. I can carry on conversations, but not very deep ones. Not conversations about philosophy and dreams and life.

So I will keep practicing! And I will come back to Korea in 2 years to teach English and learn Korean. There are many places I want to go, but I've put so much time into Korean... I think I could see myself living there for a very long time. Only time will tell.

Every-day Life

I have a sort of strange fascination with the concept of every-day life. It's very contradicting really, or maybe it makes a little sense. My biggest goal in life has always been to have an extraordinary life. I remember in middle school, we sat in the library to listen to a guest speaker talk about her life and travels. I can't remember her name or why we were listening to her, but I vividly remember looking at this 80 year-old woman and thinking about how amazing her life had been and how I want mine to be like that too. She had brought this enormous pine-cone that she had found in some forest somewhere. At that time I decided that I didn't care if I ever got married or had kids or owned a big house. I wanted to see places, live in my perfect city, and have a job that involved freedom and excitement!

I think it's maybe because I grew up in very small towns in Ohio. And for a good portion of my life, I didn't have either excitement or contentment. I felt kind of trapped. Money was very tight, everyone around me was unhappy, and there was nothing to do but daydream and join school clubs. College has turned me into a completely different person, and I've accomplished a lot. I've been flying to the top. Columbus is amazing compared to tiny towns like Lancaster and Circleville, and I love my school. I love my major. And now I'm in South Korea with loads of summer travel plans. Now I'm busy thinking about which country I'm going to be teaching English in after I graduate, and should I go to Boston or Chicago or Toronto or London for graduate school? I have freedom, and I have plans, and my life is going to be very exciting.

But as I mentioned, I do love every-day scenarios, maybe because I'm not sure if I'll ever have it. I love coffee cups because they make me think of small cafes that I might go to every day on my way to work. I like looking out the window to see damp trees and streets after it rains. Yesterday I was sitting in a restaurant with friends, and suddenly I was just hit with this really cozy in-the-moment feelings. Suddenly I was hyper-aware of my surroundings. There were old movie posters on the walls, and steam was rising from the grill on every table. There was a baseball game on behind me, and in front of me I could see out the open doors of the one room restaurant. Fans were whirring to keep the place from being a sauna. The table across from us had three middle aged Korean men, and they raised their beer glasses in some sort of toast. All around people were eating and talking and dishes clinked and meat fried. It wasn't too loud, but it wasn't quiet at all. For a good 10 minutes, it was the most fascinating thing I could experience.

I'm always in my head. I'm thinking, or I'm daydreaming, or I'm talking or listening. It isn't very often that I look up and really live those moments of ordering a coffee or walking down the street. I dream about those moments though! I keep imagining my future apartment, and the first thing I think about are the dishes that I'm going to have. There was this scene in this old Australian soap opera I watched. The girl was just jogging down her usual path. That's it. And I still think about it. Having an every day routine that I choose and makes me feel comfortable. Gilmore Girls was my favorite show for so long because something was so interesting about so much drama in such a small town. And all winter I kept thinking about how I'll probably end up moving someplace warm, like California or Australia, but now that it's getting warm, I know that I love having four seasons. I can see myself in Europe or the East coast.

This traveler path is going to make me lonely, but I think it also will help me truly love my every-day life when I do finally settle down in a city with maybe a family....definitely at least a dog.

Jeju!!

About an hour after my last post, there was finally a success! Turns out knowing Koreans is awesome. We couldn't use OUR bank cards because of the bank we were going through, but our friend Umi could use her card. She didn't have enough money on her card at the time, and we were worried that we would lose our good deal if we left it too long, but it turns out that you can deposit cash through ATMs in Korea! So Totoi, Dazha, and I all took out the 72,000 won (about $72) that ROUND TRIP TICKETS would cost, and then Umi immediately deposited that cash onto her own card and then bought the tickets for us. Yay! And we got to pick our seats, so on the way there and back the three of us get to sit next to each other for the like 40 minute flight. I'm very excited!

I'll be in Jeju June 16-19, and then on June 25th I'll be flying to LA with Totoi. Then her mom is going to pick us up and drive us down to Mexico! Then I'll meet up with Dazha and Francisco for a couple weeks before possibly flying to Florida to see my little sister again. Then it's one very long road trip from Florida to Ohio again. And I have to move into my apartment again.... But this is going to be the best year I've had yet: Korea, an island, Mexico, and Florida~

Why is this so difficult?

I'm sitting here with Totoi and Dazha, my two Mexican lady friends that I've come to know in my months here in Korea, trying to buy tickets to Jeju Island despite the recent tragic event, and it has been the biggest pain in the ass ever. Our cards are ridiculously secure to the point of not even being usable online, and Korea loves Internet Explorer, which keeps crashing on my computer. And the site is absolutely terrible. It is inconvenient and closes down after 10 minutes of inactivity. Sigh.

But it will be worth it.......hopefully..... I mean it's an island in the summer right? Oh this had better be worth it....