Coming Back

The weirdest part about spending time abroad is coming back to your old life and not being sure which version of yourself was the real one.

There's the little things like, in Ohio I drank coffee with too much milk and sugar, so much so that it was more like coffee flavored sweet milk. But in Mexico, every morning I was drinking straight coffee with just a little bit of creamer, enjoying the start coffee flavor. Now I'm back in Ohio, and I don't know which cup of coffee I want because so far nothing tastes quite right.

Then there's the bigger things like productivity levels. In Ohio, I spend nearly 100% of my time in my head, dreaming of being somewhere else, of being someone else, and then for a solid 11 months I was loving who I actually was. I talked to friends and made memories instead of just dreaming up fantastic moments. I was truly living. Now I'm back in Ohio, and I have no one to talk to, no where to go, and no drive to be active and present.

I wanted to bring that person from Korea and Mexico back with me to Ohio, but it's hard to when the bars are full of creepy old people, my only friends are my mom and cousin, and I'm stranded in a place with nothing of interest within walking distance. I don't know which version I am right now and it sucks. I want to be that girl in Mexico who did crazy things and enjoyed them., danced in bars and didn't care whether or not she was wearing makeup. I want to be that girl in Korea who was interesting and attracted people to her, was there for those who needed her, and was generally curious about other peoples' views on life.

The weirdest part is that I don't feel like I belong in the place where I was born and raised.